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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22964614">Into the Grey</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mttrailblazer/pseuds/mttrailblazer'>mttrailblazer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A lot of the beginning of this is Rey dealing with being with Ben, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ben and Chewie are the family that Rey has been waiting for, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark Rey (Star Wars), F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Ghost Leia Organa, Greylo, Not Beta Read, Red String of Fate, She'll fight to keep them, Soft Ben Solo, The Good Boy Sweater is a big motivator for Rey, There is still some canon involved, World Between Worlds, admittedly this is probably not how the world between worlds works, but this is how i'm writing it, this may be out of character, too many mentions of what Rey is meant to be</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:20:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22964614</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mttrailblazer/pseuds/mttrailblazer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey's travels to bury Luke and Leia's lightsabers on Tattooine are intercepted by a nightmare calling her to the dark side.  She lets that motivate her to stop letting everyone push her around and start fighting for what she wants.</p><p>Or Rey gets Ben back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Reylo Hidden Gems</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Nightmare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Finally made myself write this, since it's been bouncing around in my head since I saw the spoilers the day before I saw the movie.  So ... here it is.  Sorry if this is actually bad.</p><p>Super inspired by @soundslikeawhisper and her videos on TikTok.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She’s back in the cave on Ahch-To.  It’s dark and cold, and she’s not entirely sure how she got here. </p><p>When she had fallen asleep, she was curled up in the bed on the Falcon hugging Ben’s tunic tightly to her chest.  Now she’s on her knees staring at the mirror she stared into a little more than a year ago.</p><p>Turning and standing, she gasps at the sight before her.  It’s the same vision of herself that she saw within the ruins of the old Death Star.  This vision is still cloaked in black with that double ended saber and a terrifying grin on her cracked lips.  The one difference between now and the Death Star is that the vision is cradling Kylo Ren’s cracked helmet in her left hand.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Rey reaches for either Luke or Leia’s saber.  There aren’t any sabers to grab off of her belt, she realizes, and her heart stops.  Swallowing the large lump in her throat, she asks, “What do you want?”  The vision steps closer to her, and she is paralyzed in fear.  She has no weapons to defend herself, she is at the location where she faced one of her darkest moments being challenged by the darkest part of herself, and she can’t lean back on Ben after she gets over this.</p><p>“You’re nothing.  You’re nothing to Ben, to your parents, to Palpatine.  You mean nothing,” the vision tells her with a biting lilt to her identical voice.  Rey starts hyperventilating.  There is no one to help her face this.  Leia isn’t here, Luke never was …  Ben isn't either.</p><p>“Palpatine was lying to you and Ben.  You weren’t his granddaughter, you weren’t Sith royalty.  You really were nothing.”  The vision takes another step closer, and this comment somewhat relieves Rey.</p><p>Shrugging, she replies, “Well, that’s good.  I’d rather be nothing that one of your kind.” </p><p>Her double grins at her with those horrifying teeth and states, “No, you feel the draw to the dark more now than ever.”  She takes another step, and Rey steps back because she’s far too close.  “It’s okay, let it happen, Rey.  Become who you were meant to be.” </p><p>Those words were scarily close to Ben’s words that were shared with her on this very planet.  She’s beginning to feel irritated with this whole experience.  “And just who am I meant to be?” she scoffs bitterly.</p><p>The vision raises Kylo Ren’s helmet into the air, and Rey furrows her eyebrows.  “Let the past die, Rey,” she says, now adopting this hint of sympathy to her voice.  Rey winces at that.  How dare this … shadow use Ben’s words against her?</p><p>“Scavenger.”</p><p>That was …  That was Ben’s voice.  She stares at this vision of herself for just another second before slowly turning to face the mirror again.  This time, there is no mirror.</p><p>There is only Ben staring down at her.  She breathes shakily as she takes him in.  He’s dressed as he was during the days when they first discovered that they were bound by the Force.  His hair is greasy and his face is still healing from the scar that she gave him.</p><p>Tears brimming her eyes, she reaches up and cups his jaw, her fingers resting on his earlobe.  “Ben,” she gasps, and his lips quirk upward.</p><p>“We can be together again, scavenger.” </p><p>Letting her head rest against his firm chest, she sobs, “You’re dead, Ben.  There is no way.”</p><p>His gloved hand comes up to cup her chin and pull her face.  Her eyes widen as he tells her, “There are ways through the darkside.  Just give in.” </p><p>This isn’t real.  Ben never would have asked her to join the darkside.  Even from the beginning, he hadn’t asked her to fall to the darkside.  He’d asked her to join him, to be his student.</p><p>Quickly yanking her hand away, she takes a step away and accuses, “You’re not Ben.” </p><p>Almost instantly, he’s gone.  She whips around to find the vision of herself swinging that red saber at her.  She dodges it and moves away from this darksider.</p><p>“Foolish Rey!  Naive Rey!  Orphan Rey!”  Several times, the vision swings at her, but she dodges every one.  “You couldn’t keep your parents happy!  You couldn’t make Luke happy!  You couldn’t keep Leia and Han happy!”  Rey puts a good bit of distance herself and this shadow, and the shadow pauses.  Then she grins again and adds, “You couldn’t save Ben.  Now he’s dead, and you’re still nothing.” </p><p>All Rey sees is red, so she snarls and runs forward.  She’s a scavenger of Jakku, has survived fifteen hopeless years on that desert planet.  She’s stronger than this stupid nightmare.  The vision turns one side of her saberstaff as to not injure herself and holds it in front of her.  Rey impales herself on it, but she doesn’t make a sound as it slides through her ribs, just like the saber did when she stabbed Ben with it.  Instead, she grabs onto the hilt and flicks the other side back on.</p><p>The vision’s dark eyes widen as she is impaled as well.  Despite this terrible pain, Rey steps forward and slides the saber farther into the vision’s torso.  After a moment of pained silence, the vision breathes, “You will always be nothing, unless you become what you were meant to be.” </p><p>Then Rey blinks and she’s back in the bed on the Falcon.  She gasps and looks around frantically, searching for any sign of the vision or Ben.  In place of the vision and Ben, she finds BB-8 beeping worriedly and Ben’s tunic.</p><p>Right …  They were on their way to Tatooine to bury the sabers and make herself a new one.  Something about that no longer feels right, but nothing really feels right anymore.</p><p>Finally, she focuses on BB and murmurs, “BB, I’m alright.  I’m good.  Everything’s alright.”  Once BB is calm, she allows herself to look down at Ben’s tunic.</p><p>The only appeal she could see to joining the darkside was the chance to get Ben back.  Unfortunately, there wasn’t much appeal to the lightside to combat that.  But …  Hadn’t she read something in one of the texts about a Grey Jedi?</p><p>Keeping the black shirt in her arms, she stands from the bed and goes to the drawer she had tucked the Jedi texts into.  Quickly, she finds the book she was thinking of and flips through it to find what she’s looking for.  Ah …  There …  Grey Jedi draw their power from both sides of the Force.  It’s what makes up the balance.  Maybe …  Maybe she can save Ben after all.</p><p>BB beeps at her and she looks down at the droid who had been with her at the beginning of her journey.  “I think we need to change course,” she admits nervously, and BB rolls back and forth excitedly.  Even in this moment of darkness, she chuckles at her little friend.  “Yeah, I didn’t want to go to Tatooine all that much either.  Too much bad blood there.” </p><p>Rey and BB rest for awhile longer.  Rey won’t say that she sleeps, because she doesn’t.  She stares at the ceiling of the bunk and thinks about how she can actually pull this off.  She won’t make this for nothing.  The Skywalkers, Organas, and Solos won’t have died in vain.  They will live on through the name Solo, and Ben will rise again.  She will make sure of it.</p><p>When BB whistles at her to signify that they’ve made it through another standard night, she stands and rushes to the cockpit of the Falcon.  Finding her commlink that connects her with Finn, she says into it, “Finn, it’s me.” </p><p>BB rolls up beside her as Finn quickly responds, “Rey!  How are you?” </p><p>Lacking any care for formalities, she says, “Is Chewie there?  I need to speak to him.”  It’s quiet for a moment before she hears Chewie grumble.  “Chewie …”  For a moment, she freezes.</p><p>If she does this, it will be dangerous.  She knows it.  It will be dangerous because she’s dabbling in the darkside.  This has to work, or she’ll fall down a slippery slope.  No, it will work.  She’ll make sure of it.</p><p>“I have to go back to Ahch-To.  There’s nothing for me on Tatooine.”  Again, it’s quiet.  Then Chewie murmurs something about how she shouldn’t be alone on Ahch-To, how she’ll end up just like Luke.  “I won’t be alone.  I have BB and the caretakers.”  He says her name, and she breathes deeply.  “I have to do this, Chewie.  I …  I have to do this.”  He tells her that she doesn’t have to do it alone, and a wet laugh slips from her lips.</p><p>She’s crying …  She hadn’t realized that she was crying.  Whatever, she’s fine.</p><p>“I just needed to tell you that that’s where I’m going.  I’ll bring …  I don’t know if I’ll bring the Falcon back.  Goodbye, Chewie.”  He snarls something, but she doesn’t catch it before she turns the commlink off.</p><p>BB beeps at her curiously while she changes the coordinates on the Falcon’s navigational unit and punches it into hyperdrive.  “I’m tired of being used for other people’s purposes, BB.  It’s time to get what I want,” she whispers, standing and going back to the bed where Ben’s shirt lies.</p><p>She only stares at it for a moment before tearing her own tunic off.  She slips the black shirt on over her breast band and tugs her brown hair out of its ties.  No more waiting for a family that’s dead.  No more surviving off of childish hopes.</p><p>“Give in, Rey,” she hears her own voice hiss into her ear.</p><p>“Shut up,” she snarls, moving back into the cockpit.</p><p>It takes just as long as she expected to get to Ahch-To, but BB doesn’t complain as much as she expected the droid to.  They land on the cliffside, like she had the time before this, and the time before that.  BB and she walk down the ramp of the Falcon, Leia and Luke’s lightsabers hanging off of her belt.  She’s ready to get her other half back, even if she falls to the darkside.  There’s nothing getting in her way.</p><p>BB whirs, and she looks up to notice what the droid’s noticed.  That’s a large Wookiee standing there.  “Chewie?” she calls, noticing the X-Wing behind him.  He roars about how he said that she didn’t have to be alone, and her heart warms immensely.  She walks to him, and he embraces her tightly.  Damn, she’s crying again.  “Thank you.” </p><p>He just hums, and they stay like that for several moments.  When they pull away, he places a warm hand on her shoulder and tells her that the change in appearance looks good.  She gives him a tight smile and nods her head.</p><p>Then one of the caretakers interrupts them, giving Rey a dirty look.  She lets her gaze fall to the ground while Chewie speaks with them and calms them down.  Then Chewie pulls her back onto the Falcon and sits her down in the lounge so that she’ll tell him what pulled her here.</p><p>So she does.  She tells him about Ben, about the dream, about her vision, about her darkside.  Chewie listens to all this while pulling clothes and belts out of random drawers in the lounge.  Rey is somewhat confused about that, but she waits to worry about it.  She does admit, “And I think I can bring Ben back,” and that gives the big Wookiee pause.</p><p>He stops and turns to her.  With tears streaming down her face, she adds, “It’s going to be dangerous, but I think I can do it from here.”  Chewie continues to stare at her, so she continues to speak, “The Skywalkers’ deaths can’t have been for nothing.  Han Solo’s death can’t have been for nothing.  Leia Organa’s death …”  She gets a large lump in her throat again, just like she did when she faced the shadow of herself.  Pushing through, she finishes in a strained voice, “It can’t have been for nothing, Chewie.  It has to mean something.  Otherwise, Palpatine’s won.” </p><p>It’s silent for several minutes while she cries and breathes in Ben’s scent from the sleeve of his shirt.  Finally, Chewie sits beside her with a ball of clothes in his hands.  He keeps a hold of them as he reassures her that she doesn’t have to do it alone.  She gives him another tight smile, and he gives her the ball of clothes.  With a growl, he explains that before they do anything life-threatening, she needs to change her clothes just a little more.</p><p>She chuckles and moves into the ‘fresher to change.  She doesn’t find a shirt in the clothes, and she figures Chewie understands her attachment to the black tunic she’s wearing.  Tucking it into the black pants with a red stripe lining either side, she uses the holster as a belt and pulls the brown vest on over the black shirt.  It covers the little hole that she has yet to fix.  Finally, she steps back into her brown boots that coincidentally match the vest.</p><p>After hooking Luke and Leia’s sabers back onto her belt, she walks back into the lounge and finds Chewie and BB waiting for her.  They both make happy noises of approval, and she jokingly does a little spin.</p><p>Then she sighs, “Alright, Chewie, let’s go scope out what we’re dealing with.”  BB stays on the Falcon as the two companions hike over to the cave on the other side of the island that she used to think about so she could sleep on Jakku.  They stand over the opening of the cave and look down into it.  Chewie asks her what’s so important down there.</p><p>With her hands nervously squeezing her hips, she answers, “Well, there’s a mirror that is connected to the Force down there.  Last time I was here, I had a vision that showed me that I needed to stop looking back, that I needed to start looking ahead.  I’m also pretty sure that it connects to Exegol.”  Again, this gives Chewie pause, and he looks at her strangely.  She ignores it, scooting closer to that edge.</p><p>Biting her inner cheek and eyeing the darkness, she adds, “It might be wise to bring the Falcon over here.  Also, a rope.”  Chewie claims that he wants to check this cave out, and Rey shoots him a hesitant look.  “I’m not sure about that, Chewie.  It’s dangerous, even for someone like me.” </p><p>He incredulously asks why she wants to go down there if it’s so dangerous.  “I gotta get to Ben.  He’s not dead, he’s somewhere out there.  I just need to reach for him,” she responds, facing him.  He sighs, and they both take a second to process everything.</p><p>Then they head back to the Falcon.  Though Rey wants to get back over there and start immediately, Chewie forces her to take a rest.  He shoves her into the bunk and starts a holovid so they both can take their minds off of things.  It doesn’t stop Rey from thinking and planning, but it does calm her a little.</p><p>Chewie falls asleep after a little bit, and BB powers down shortly after that.  Rey leaves the holovid going and goes into the cockpit to stare out at the water.  Maybe she and Ben will stay here after she gets him back.  It’s green, there’s water, and they can both just wire down for awhile.  Maybe they’ll raise some porgs.</p><p>“Wow, you look like a Solo.”  She looks to the co-pilot’s seat and finds Leia sitting there.  She smiles at the woman she looks up to so much.  Taking a deep breath, she looks back down at her clothes.  “Really …  It looks like Han dressed you himself.” </p><p>Rey chuckles, “Chewie did, actually.  Save for the shirt, that was my choice.”  Leia smiles like she knows exactly whose shirt it is.  She reaches over and grabs Rey’s hand, gently yet tightly.  That’s when the tears start again for Rey.  “Leia, I need to get him back.” </p><p>Her previous master smiles softly at her and says, “You can do it, Rey.  You can do anything.  Don’t let any of it hold you back.”  The young woman exhales loudly, reaching up to wipe her tears away.  Squeezing her hand, Leia tells her, “I didn’t want any of this for him.  I just wanted him to be happy, to not hurt.  There is so much I wish I could go back and change, Rey.  For the both of you.” </p><p>“I’m going to make this right, Leia.  I’m going to take him back.  I’m tired of the Jedi, tired of it all.  I just want him.  He deserves to have a chance to make things right.”  Leia smiles so widely at her.</p><p>“That’s what gives you the ability to do this.” </p><p>Rey talks with Leia for as long as possible before her exhaustion catches up to her.  Her head rolls forward and she falls asleep.  She dreams of Ben’s red crackling lightsaber and a red thread wrapped around the hilt.  When she wakes up, Chewie is sitting beside her in the co-pilot’s seat taking the Falcon over to the cave.</p><p>Sitting up, she coughs, “Sorry.”  He glances at her and gives a little hum of amusement.  He carefully lands the Falcon near the cave entrance, and BB joins them this time as they stand over it.  “I just need you to pull me back up when I call for you,” she informs them as she gazes down at the pit of darkness.  The Wookiee nods in understanding and unravels a rope into the pit.  “I don’t know how long I’ll be, but just keep an ear open.”  Chewie and BB watch her as she makes her way into the cave.</p><p>She finds it exactly as it was when she first fell into it a year ago and in her dream just a night ago.  It’s still dark and cold, and the mirror still fills her with a terrible darkness.  The only difference between a night ago and now is that there is no dark version of herself threatening her.  She turns to the mirror and places her hand against it, reaching out for something, anything.</p><p>But there’s nothing.  So she sighs, shakes her head, and crosses her legs under her, sitting down on the floor.  She closes her eyes and begins to meditate.  For the first time, she reaches out into the Force with the darkside clear in her goals.  </p><p>For several days, she stays down in that cave, reaching out for any sign that she can do this.  The Force is still, and it’s almost like she can’t feel it.  Every night, Chewie helps her back up and forces her to eat and rest.  She can see both Chewie and BB losing faith, but she doesn’t.  She knows she can do this.  If Leia says it, then it will be.</p><p>It has to.</p><p>So every morning, for a month, she climbs down into that cave to get what she’s looking for.  Every night, for a month, she climbs back out without what she’s looking for.  </p><p>Now, Rey is patient.  She waited fifteen years for her family, she waited a year for Ben.  But as of late, everything’s been catching up to her.  So, on the thirty-second day, she climbs down into that cave angry as hell.</p><p>“I just want him,” she mutters, shaking her head and looking at herself in the mirror.  “Just give him to me.  I’ve done what you wanted every step of the way.”  She progressively crescendos.  “I left Jakku behind.  I stood up to him.  I watched Han die.  I helped him kill Snoke!  I left him behind!  I stood up to Palpatine!  I killed Palpatine!  I had to watch him die!  Just give him back!” </p><p>She slams her fist against the mirror as hard as she can, and strangely enough, it shatters.  Quickly, she moves back out of the way of the glass.  Her eyes widen as it falls to the floor and reveals …  Is that …?  Is that a tunnel?</p><p>Avoiding getting any glass shards stuck in her boots, she steps forward and peeks her head into the tunnel.  Instantly, all sounds vanish, almost like the Force bond she had with Ben.  She pulls her head back out swiftly and gasps, not ready to face that demon.</p><p>Chewie roars and asks if she’s alright.</p><p>She … thinks she might have just found her solution.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m good.”</p><p>She stares up at the opening of the cave, her only real source of light for a moment.  That big lump in her throat comes back, and she realizes what that means.  Taking a deep breath and doing her best to swallow that lump, she steps into the tunnel.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Journey</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rey finds him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I thought I was going to be able to keep this all one long chapter, but then I decided it felt better when I split it up. :))</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>And finds that it’s not a tunnel at all.  As she steps in, it remains dark, but several white lines appear, leading to white circles opening up to other places.  Just like Ahch-To.  She glances behind her and sees that it’s the same for Ahch-To.  What is this place?</p>
<p>As she walks further in, she can hear voices and she doesn’t recognize most of them.  She doesn’t catch what most of them are saying, but they are speaking, all at once.  Then she hears Ben’s voice, and she stops.  She looks around to see if he’s anywhere near her, but he’s not.  Then she hears her own voice, and she realizes that they are just a part of the crowd.</p>
<p>She lets out an angry grunt, and all of the voices stop.  Her heart stops, and she looks around.  The white lines are still there, the openings are still there.  But now there’s a woman there, gazing at her.</p>
<p>She’s dressed in the most beautiful dress, with the most beautiful smile on her face.  “You must be Rey.”  Her voice is so beautiful and calm as well.  Rey eyes her for a moment before glancing at the exit over her shoulder. </p>
<p>It’s not too late.  She can go back to Chewie, tell him that nothing happened.  She doesn’t have to go through this.  She can find a green planet to stay on for the rest of her life.  But it all means nothing if she doesn’t have Ben.</p>
<p>So, inhaling deeply, she turns back to the woman and says, “I am …  And you are?” </p>
<p>That dazzling smile widens.  “Padme Amidala.” </p>
<p>Rey moves closer and tells her, “Sorry, I’m not familiar.” </p>
<p>The woman doesn’t clarify who she is.  She just shrugs and states, “Ben has told me so much about you.”  Rey gasps and takes another step.</p>
<p>“Ben’s here?” </p>
<p>That turns Padme’s smile sad, and she replies, “Rey, bringing him back …  It is no small deed.  It will hurt, and you will want to turn back.  But if you truly want him back, you can’t.”  Rey already knew that.  She had guessed that when she realized she was going to have to dip into the darkside.</p>
<p>“I know what I have to do.”  Padme calmly studies her face for a moment before looking to her left and Rey’s right.</p>
<p>Along the white line, a red line appears, trailing off of the main line.  Both Rey and Padme stare at it, Padme in anticipation, Rey in awe.  “That is your path to him.”  She can do this, she can get Ben back.  But she has to know …</p>
<p>“Who are you?” she inquires, turning to the slightly shorter brunette woman.</p>
<p>The woman dressed like a queen smiles and explains, “I am Luke and Leia’s mother, Ben’s grandmother.  I died giving birth to my children.”  Rey’s heart breaks for the millionth time as of late, and she inhales sharply.  Padme just continues smiling kindly at her.  “I wish I had been able to be there for Ben, but it seems it was not in the will of the Force.”</p>
<p>“I’m not so sure about trusting the will of the Force anymore,” Rey murmurs, her eyes falling to the floor.</p>
<p>“As I’m sure Leia has told you, that’s what makes you so capable.”  She chuckles and nods her head.  “Well, you have my support as well.  Go make things right.”  Rey smiles at the woman once more before turning and walking down that red line.</p>
<p>She walks for awhile and finds nothing but the dark abyss.  The voices come back, and she listens to all the strange conversations through different Force users of different times.  She doesn’t catch much because of how many conversations are going on at once, but she’s sure she hears Luke and Ben speaking warmly to each other at one point.</p>
<p>Finally, she comes to the first opening in red.  She gazes into it and finds that it’s an opening into what looks like a nursery.  There is a crib and a rocking chair and a box of little toys.  What does this have to do with Ben and herself?</p>
<p>Then a young Leia comes into the nursery carrying a black haired baby on her hip.  Rey gasps and leans closer to the opening because … that’s a baby Ben Solo.  “Alright, angel, it’s time to sleep,” Leia murmurs, laying her child into the crib.</p>
<p>“Mumma,” he whines softly, and Rey’s heart aches for this little creature.</p>
<p>“I’m right here, angel.  You’re alright.”</p>
<p>A young Han comes into the room as well, and Rey watches baby Ben grin at his father.  She wishes she could take him away now, protect him from the monsters that take him from his family.  She would protect him, keep him safe, do what Leia and Han couldn’t.</p>
<p>“What’s up, little starfighter?” Han greets his son, going to tickle him.</p>
<p>Leia scolds him, “Han, don’t rile him up.  He needs to sleep.  He didn’t sleep well last night after his nightmares.”  Rey clenches her jaw at the mention of the nightmares.</p>
<p>“I’m not riling him up, princess,” he mutters, ruffling Ben’s dark curls.  Ben grabs at his hand, and both Han and Rey smile.  “See, he’s a happy, little kid.  Just needs a little love from Dad.” </p>
<p>Han pulls his hand away from Ben, and Ben whines, “Dada.”  The tall man stares at his son for a moment before shooting a quick glance at Leia and lifting his son into his arms.  Leia sighs, but doesn’t reprimand.</p>
<p>Pressing a kiss to Ben’s head, Han tells Leia, “He can stay with us for the night.  It’s not going to hurt him any.”  The couple look at each other, communicating silently, though they both know Leia is going to give in so that she can spend some time with her boys.  Rey smiles as Leia kisses Ben’s forehead and then goes up on her tiptoes to kiss Han’s lips.  This is how it should have always been.</p>
<p>The opening gradually collapses, and she moves back.  With a sigh, she continues down the red line.  She doesn’t get too far before she gets to the next opening.  She looks into it and finds a slightly older Ben playing with some toys in what looks like someone’s living room.  She smiles and watches him roll a ball around.</p>
<p>Then, as a kitchen droid comes into the room with his cutting knife out, she realizes that neither Leia or Han are around.  “Ben,” she murmurs, trying to reach her hand through the opening.  The Force doesn’t let her reach through, but Ben does hear her voice and look up at her.  They stare at each other for a moment before she says, “The droid behind you.” </p>
<p>The small kid tilts his head at her before turning and spotting the droid as well.  He stands from the floor as the droid walks toward him.  “BX,” the young boy murmurs, backing away from the droid.  The droid continues to come at him, and Rey punches the invisible barrier separating them, thinking that maybe she can break through the barrier like she did the mirror.</p>
<p>Then Ben lifts his tiny hand, and both Rey and the droid freeze.  The droid is lifted off of its feet, and Rey’s green eyes widen as Ben lifts his other hand and clenches it into a fist.  The droid wiggles around like it’s trying to defend itself, but Ben uses the Force to rip out its engine.  She gasps as he tosses the droid away.</p>
<p>“No more,” Ben states, turning back to her, and Rey breathes deeply.  This opening closes as well, and she grunts and takes a step back.</p>
<p>“You can’t do anything to help him, orphan Rey.”  Rey pauses and slowly turns her head to the left.</p>
<p>There, her dark self is stood, eyeing her with a filthy sneer in her lips.  She steps closer to Rey, who reaches back to her lightsabers to defend herself.  The dark vision chuckles like the thought of Rey defending herself is ridiculous.</p>
<p>“I can, and I will.  I’m going to bring him back,” Rey declares confidently, and the vision just sighs with an amused glint in her eyes.  Rey blinks a few times, and the vision is gone.  She only dwells on it for a second before sprinting forward, wanting to get to Ben as quickly as possible.</p>
<p>She goes through several memories of Ben’s that are clearly influential in his fall to the darkside as well as his rise back to the light.  She sees a lot of Han and Leia fighting and Ben hiding in his room to get away from all of it.  That makes Rey’s heart break because she knows how alone he feels.</p>
<p>After she gets through several memories, she gets to one that stands out to her.  Ben is twelve years old in this memory and he’s wandering around in the Falcon.  He’s dressed in robes similar to the ones Luke was wearing when Rey found him on Ahch-To, so Rey is pretty sure Ben’s started his Jedi training by now.  She watches him walk into the Captain’s Quarters.</p>
<p>Nothing really seems out of place at first.  There’s the large bed and the nightstand beside it and the large dresser against the wall in front of it - just like there is now that Rey spends her time on it.  They don’t notice the crib in the corner until a tiny whimper comes from it.  Ben turns to it and so does Rey.  Rey’s heart freezes at the sight of a little brunette girl with three buns at the back of her head.</p>
<p>It’s clear that Ben is shocked at the sight as well because he’s staring at the tiny girl with wide eyes.  He works his jaw like he’s not sure what he should do.  That brings a certain warmth to Rey’s heart because he definitely did that during some of their first Force bond meetings.  “Dad!” he calls, glancing over his shoulder to the doorway.  They both blink and the crib is gone.</p>
<p>“What is it, Ben?” Han calls back as Ben goes to turn back to the crib.  But now that the girl and crib are gone, the young Ben gets a perturbed expression on his face.  He gazes at the now vacant space that the crib filled up, and Rey gazes at him.  “Ben?!”</p>
<p>Unsure of everything, Ben yells, “Never mind.” </p>
<p>The opening, like all of the others before, begins closing, so Rey steps back.  When he goes to leave the Captain’s Quarters, Ben happens to turn in her direction.  They make eye contact, and his jaw gapes as the opening disappears.  She looks down at the dark abyss below her and sighs.</p>
<p>“Garbage, just like your parents.” </p>
<p>Irritation at the sound of her own voice with a dark twinge quickly overthrows the peace Rey feels when she sees Ben.  Slowly, she turns to face the dark vision, who is just grinning victoriously at her.  But Rey is stubborn and patient.  She’ll wait out this shadow as long as she needs to.</p>
<p>“Just like our parents, you mean.”  That causes the shadow’s grin to fade, and Rey adds, “Because you and I are cut from the same cloth.”  The shadow considers her words for several moments, so Rey just walks past her and moves on.</p>
<p>Digging back into Ben’s memories, she sees a lot of moments from his days at Luke’s Jedi academy.  The young boy is clearly taking in everything that Luke is telling him, but Rey hears Snoke’s voice and what she assumes is Darth Vader’s voice when they start invading Ben’s mind.  Ben spends a lot of time with one Jedi padawan named Tai, and Rey smiles when she sees how soft they are together.</p>
<p>The thing about watching these memories back when she’s the other half of a dyad is that she feels all the emotions that Ben felt in these moments.  She feels the happiness in Ben’s heart, the relief and trust of this other Jedi padawan.  As he gets older through the memories, she also feels gentle, non-platonic feelings for his friend.  She only recognizes the emotions because they are the same emotions she has for him.</p>
<p>Then she gets to the memory where it is revealed to everyone at the Jedi academy, including Ben, that he is grandson to one Darth Vader.  She watches Ben, now somewhere in his early twenties, sit in a garden with Tai.  Together, they’re meditating with tiny smiles on their faces.</p>
<p>Then three boys, all smaller than Ben, with sneers on their faces, come upon Ben and Tai.  Rey wishes she could reach through the invisible barrier to fight those boys off.  “Solo!” the middle one shouts, and both Ben and Tai turn to the boys.  Rey is reminded by the look of shock on Ben’s face of the night Luke happened upon him and herself on Ahch-To.</p>
<p>“Have you heard the truth about your family?”  Ben frowns and glances at Tai, who just continues to gaze at the trio.  The middle boy in the trio grins and says, “Your blood is filthy with Sith influence.  Your grandfather is Darth Vader.”  Both Rey and Ben’s blood runs cold, and she grunts angrily.</p>
<p>Then the three boys begin to advance on Ben, who sits still like he plans to let them.  But Tai stands and freezes the three boys with the Force.  Ben’s brown eyes widen, and he is filled with hope at Tai’s defense.  “The three of you ought to return to your huts.  Master Luke will be alerted of your actions.  You should watch your backs from here on out,” Tai commands, his voice darker than either Ben or Rey have ever heard it.</p>
<p>He lets go of the boys, and they stare at him with fearful eyes before heeding his warning and scattering.  As Ben studies him with those big eyes, he breathes heavily in an attempt to control his anger.  Rey licks her lips because she understands those feelings just as much as she’s come to understand Ben’s.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Tai,” Ben murmurs, and Tai turns to him.  The tall, brunette boy’s head falls, and Tai is finally calm at the sight of him.  He collapses beside him and gazes at the long hair covering Ben’s face.  Then he hears Ben sniffle.</p>
<p>“This is not your fault, Ben.  You are not your family, or their mistakes.”  But Ben doesn’t listen to him, he just continues to hang his head and cry.  Rey’s heart aches terribly for the two boys because if she had been there, she would have protected them from any chance of this.</p>
<p>Tai does what he can and intertwines his fingers with Ben’s, and Rey’s heart rests finally.</p>
<p>As the opening gradually closes, she steps away and shakes her head.  After taking a moment to prepare mentally for the rest of the difficulty of this journey, she turns to continue on.  The sight of Ben standing in front of her stops her.</p>
<p>At first, she thinks that she’s found him, though that doesn’t make sense according to what Padme told her.  She hadn’t been tested enough to want to turn back, so something doesn’t add up.  And then she notices the scar along his face and the heavy garments he’s wearing.  He didn’t die with a scar and heavy garments swallowing him whole.  So she stares at him like she first had that dark vision of herself.  He stares back for a moment, that signature pout on his face.</p>
<p>“You look better like this, more ‘who you were meant to be’,” he tells her in a quiet, seemingly calm voice.  She rolls her eyes and goes to walk around him.</p>
<p>He grabs her right wrist and stops her, so she quickly whips Leia’s lightsaber out with her left hand flicks it on, and holds it up to his throat.  His expression doesn’t change further than a dilation of his eyes.  “You are not him, I am not afraid to hurt you,” she snarls, baring her teeth at him.  But he only gives her the tiniest of smiles.</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t have had to go through all this trouble had you just let the lightside go, scavenger.  We could be together, shrouded in darkness, with just a snap of your fingers.”  She glares up at him, and he bends over her a little to get closer to her face.  “You know that boy in those memories isn’t the one you want.”</p>
<p>“And you know what I want all of a sudden?  Neither you nor he are very good at knowing what I want,” she points out fearlessly, lowering the lightsaber and ripping her arm away from him.</p>
<p>He shrugs and replies, “You want more than what that misguided fool can offer you.”  She just chuckles at that and turns away from him to glance at the hole into that memory that is slowly reopening.</p>
<p>“My point proven.”</p>
<p>“He’s nothing, scavenger …  Just like you.”  She spins back around to slice the blue blade of light through him, but he’s gone before she can.</p>
<p>Though she is aware this was meant to challenge her resolve, this anger in her bones only revitalizes her will to continue.  She flicks the lightsaber off, hangs it off of her belt with Luke’s, and continues her trek through this world between worlds.</p>
<p>There are several dark moments from here on out, and only a few light ones, all of the light ones including Tai.  There is one where Ben wakes up in his room with a small girl - not as small as when she first appeared in the Captain’s Quarters of his father’s ship - with three buns at the back of her head curled up in front of him.  But that one is brief because she disappears only a moment later.</p>
<p>The next one that stands out to her is Ben sitting in his hut at the Jedi academy just crying to himself.  Rey’s heart hurts so bad because it wildly reminds of her the night they touched hands.  She stares at him through this opening for a moment before reaching out to brush her fingers against the invisible barrier.  Instead of just brushing, she slips through the opening, the Force willing it to be.  Her eyes widen, and she fully steps through.</p>
<p>Ben hears her feet against the floor, so he lifts his head and they look into each other’s eyes.  She shouldn’t be here, she knows that.  She’s disrupting the memory, but she just wants to comfort him.</p>
<p>“Um, wrong room,” he says finally.</p>
<p>Wetting her lips, she argues, “No, I’m right where I need to be.”  Her voice instills some sort of surprise in him, and his eyes widen even more.</p>
<p>“It’s you.”</p>
<p>He had said that to her right before their first lightsaber duel, she remembers it vividly.  How strange.  Had they seen each other already by that point?  She doesn’t think so.  Maybe he remembered the times he woke up and the Force had already bound them.</p>
<p>Lacking any knowledge of the turmoil in her head, he slowly stands and adds, “You saved me, from the droid when I was young.”  She swallows thickly and nods her head, silently scolding herself for being so careless and messing with his memories.  “Who are you?”</p>
<p>Sucking in a large breath, she whispers, “Nobody.”  He takes a large step forward, and she doesn’t move.</p>
<p>“Where did you come from?”</p>
<p>“Nowhere.”  Another large step closer.</p>
<p>“Are you a new student?  Did Luke recruit you?”</p>
<p>“No.  I’m nobody.”  This time, a small step, and he’s right in front of her.</p>
<p>She has to crane her neck to look up at him, and he has to bend his to look down at her.  “You certainly don’t seem like a nobody.”  Her eyebrows shoot up as his eyes slide down and then back up her body.  Is this the real Ben Solo?  Flirty and confident?  Not angry and hateful?</p>
<p>“And what do I seem like to you, Ben Solo?”  His eyes widen again.</p>
<p>“You’re one of Luke’s friends.  You have to be.”</p>
<p>With a small smile, she replies, “How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not anybody.”</p>
<p>“You’re a Jedi.  You have two lightsabers on your belt, so you’re a powerful Jedi.”  She chuckles - she is probably further away from being a Jedi now than he ever was.</p>
<p>“Jedi aren’t very good, in my opinion.”  He furrows his eyebrows and rears his head back, but she doesn’t move to explain herself.</p>
<p>“But I’m a Jedi.”</p>
<p>Beginning to reach up to his face dotted in moles, her smile widens and she states, “You’re an exception, Ben.”  She thinks better of touching him and lets her hand fall back to her side.  He notices.</p>
<p>“Tell me your name,” he demands with a little pinch in his face.  She shakes her head.</p>
<p>“Just know that you’re good, Ben.”  Then she begins moving back to the opening.</p>
<p>“Don’t leave, please.”  That almost breaks her more than anything else, but she knows what she needs to do, so she walks back through the opening.</p>
<p>As soon as she’s through the opening, it slams closed.  Her chest tightens, but slowly, she makes herself continue.</p>
<p>The next memory she comes across is the night that he woke up to Luke standing over him with his lightsaber at the ready.  She watches that with a frown and quiet anger in her heart.  Several more memories follow of him gradually joining the Knights of Ren.</p>
<p>The one that breaks her heart is the memory she comes across of Ben fighting Tai.  The whole time they’re dueling with their sabers, Ben is explaining that all he is to everybody is another step in the Skywalker bloodline, just a legendary set of expectations.  Rey feels the tears roll down her face in sadness and anger.</p>
<p>Then Tai falls to his knees and begs, “Be the man I know you to be.”  She watches Ben come to terms with his feelings for his friend, and though Rey knows what happens in the end, she has so much hope for Ben.  “You don’t have to-”</p>
<p>Before Tai can get anything else out, his head twists quickly and he collapses fully.  The air is ripped from Rey’s lungs while both she and Ben are filled with this terrible, cold feeling.  The leader of the Knights, Ren himself, jumps down from some higher point and lands in front of Ben.  “You killed him,” Ben snarls angrily.</p>
<p>The opening stays open as she takes a step back and grabs her stomach.  She recognizes that cold feeling.  The only other time she had felt that was when she was fourteen and still on Jakku.  Because of this terrible feeling, she’s reminded that she could go back, use the darkside to get him back, stop this madness.  She falls to her knees and tries to find some sort of resolve.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t have to be like this, Rey.”  She looks up and finds both Kylo and the dark version of herself standing there.  As she hyperventilates, Kylo smirks down at her and her dark self tells her, “You could let go, let old things die, become new.  We could be like this, and there’d be no one to stop us.”</p>
<p>Stars, it’s so tempting.  It’s so tempting to just take whatever she wants and have no regrets.  The sad truth of that is that neither Ben nor Chewie would blame her.  They would understand her rage and darkness completely.</p>
<p>But then she hears Ren point out, “Snoke was wrong, you don’t want this at all.  You’re fighting the darkness every step of the way.”  She looks up and sees that he’s talking to Ben, who looks so conflicted.</p>
<p>Ren’s right though.  Ben never wanted the darkness, nor the light.  He just wanted to be a pilot, like his father.  He just wanted his parents to love him, to feel like he belonged with them.</p>
<p>That cold feeling begins to fade, and she pushes herself up onto one knee, “Maybe, there is some part of me that does want this.”  The shadow of herself grins widely while Kylo tilts his head at her.  Then she stands up fully, looks into his brown eyes, and adds, “But you didn’t.”  Kylo’s head rears back, just like Ben’s did in that other memory, and Rey shrugs at him.  “You constantly felt the pull to the light, even when you were at your darkest moments.”</p>
<p>She moves past Kylo and her shadow, breaking into a sprint along this red line.  She foregoes several of Ben’s memories, most of them being Snoke’s abuse and terror.  She spots their first meeting face to face and the interrogation room and their first lightsaber duel and their first conscious meeting through the Force.  She’s sure if someone went through her memories like this, they would find the same memories as well.</p>
<p>Her sprint slows to a stop when she sees a tall, brunette man standing in front of one last opening, at the end of the long red line.  Her heart beat stops as well as she tries to assess whether this is Kylo or Ben.  Looking over his soft hair and the black sweater he’s wearing, she realizes that this is Ben Solo standing in front of their last few moments together.</p>
<p>“She’s so beautiful,” he states, and Rey takes a slow step forward.  “Sometimes, I regret leaving her behind, but I know that she was so strong even without me.  Padme, she’s so warm and good.”  Slowly, surely, she continues forward, closer to Ben, closer to her other half.  “She’s probably thriving with the Resistance, saving the galaxy.”</p>
<p>Finally, he turns back, and she’s sure that he’s expecting to see his grandmother standing there.  Instead, he finds her and those brown eyes, so full of love and light, widen immensely.  The darkness in her heart that has been festering there since he faded from her arms finally is at ease, and tears come to her eyes.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t be here, I made sure you lived.  You can’t be here, you’re not dead.  Please tell that you’re not dead,” he says, his throat visibly tightening.</p>
<p>She knows that she should give him time to process it, but she’s missed him so much.  Walking to him, she grabs either side of his face and kisses him.  With a gasp, he kisses her back, cupping the back of her head just as he did on Exegol.  At last, everything is right.</p>
<p>Then she pulls away and looks up at him, a smile gracing her lips.  Little by little, he opens his eyes, and that large grin that she’s only seen once falls upon his lips.</p>
<p>“I’m not dead.  I’m here to bring you back,” she tells him, running her fingers through his hair like she’s wanted to do for so long.  He leans into her hand, but doesn’t reply to her statement.</p>
<p>So, taking a step back, she reaches her hand out, just like he had not too long ago, and demands, “Ben, be with me.”  He inhales deeply, glancing back and forth between her face and her hand.  Then he takes her hand.  She grins so widely while he does too.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Satisfaction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rey gets what she wants and Ben ... is in love with her.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I knew you could do it.”  They both turn their heads to the left and find Padme standing right there with a big smile on her face.  While Ben smiles back, Rey looks back to the left and finds that they’re all together on the main white line, the red line no longer there.  She turns back and meets Padme’s brown eyes - Ben must get them from her and his mother. “Leia was right about you,” the other woman declares.  Ben turns his smile upon Rey as she slowly smiles at both of them.</p><p>Then the winsome woman looks up at her grandson and states, “Ben, she’s your second chance.  Love her fully.” Ben lets go of Rey’s hand to step forward and hug Padme, and Rey smiles at the sight.  “I’m so proud of you. You did what your grandfather and I could not do.” Padme smiles at Rey over Ben’s shoulder.</p><p>“I’m so glad I got to know you, Padme,” he responds as they pull away, and Padme caresses his cheek.</p><p>“We will see each other again, Ben.  Next time, don’t let it be under such circumstances.”  The two smile down at the abyss under them. Then she steps around Ben and tells Rey, “Take him with you, and make things right.”</p><p>Rey nods and promises, “I will.”  Ben comes back to her side as Padme begins walking down the white line away from them.  They watch her for several seconds before turning to each other. She opens her mouth to tell him that she loves him.</p><p>But before she can speak, her own voice comes from someone else’s mouth.  “No matter what, you are still nothing, Rey.” The two halves of the dyad turn to the opening letting them back onto Ahch-To and find her shadow blocking it.  The shadow’s red eyes flick up to Ben, and she smirks at him. “Though I do get why she would go through this to get you. You are awfully pretty.”</p><p>Ben looks down at Rey while she clenches her jaw.  “Sorry, have I gone insane?” he murmurs.</p><p>She glances at him and replies, “No, this is definitely happening.”</p><p>“You said that you wanted this, Rey of Jakku,” the shadow declares, shrugging her shoulders.  Rey tries to come to terms with her tiny desire for the chaos she would find as this creature.  “You wanted to fall to the darkside. There is nothing in the way of what you want.”</p><p>“Rey,” Ben whispers, taking her hand again.</p><p>Then his voice comes from someone else’s mouth as well.  “Scavenger.” The dyad turns to Kylo, who is slowly joining the shadow at her side.</p><p>“Stars, that’s surreal,” Ben mutters, and Rey looks up at him.  His eyes quickly find hers, and she realizes … It’s okay to have a darkside.  It’s okay to be imperfect and to want what she wants.</p><p>So she turns back to their shadows and states, “See, the thing is …  I already am you.” Her shadow’s eyes widen, finally genuinely shocked by her words.  “Yes, there is passion, but there is also peace. There is serenity, but there is also emotion.  There is chaos, but there is also order. But there is truly no darkside, nor lightside, there is only the balance of the Force.”  </p><p>Ben smiles so beautifully at her while the two shadows begin fading.  Kylo looks proud of Ben, but Rey’s shadow looks terrified. So Rey continues talking, “You will always live on within me, and that’s okay.”  The two darksiders disappear, and Rey breathes deeply.</p><p>“You’re incredible.”  She faces Ben and feels the balance she just spoke of.</p><p>“So are you.  Let’s get out of here.”  He lets her tug him out of this world between worlds back into the cave on Ahch-To.</p><p>All the sound of nature that had disappeared when she entered the opening comes back, and she breathes in relief.  She has never felt so happy to even think of this cave. Ben breathes too, as if it’s his first breath in years. She supposes he probably feels like it is since he’s been stuck in that place for a little more than a month now.  Then his brown eyes find her green ones, and he looks down at her in fond awe.</p><p>Everything is right, finally.</p><p>Keeping her hand in his, she looks up toward the opening of the cave and shouts, “Chewie, toss the rope down!”  Almost instantly, the rope she’s used to climb in and out of here every morning and night is slung into the cave.  She looks at Ben and commands, “You go first. I’m sure you want to see sunlight.” He studies her face for a moment before following her command.</p><p>Chewie tugs him up there, and the two stare at each other in awe as he stands up straight.  Chewie doesn’t let himself dwell on it right now, wanting to get Rey as well. While he tosses the rope down once more, BB beeps at Ben.  Furrowing his eyebrows, Ben nudges the droid with his foot. “What are you looking at?” he mutters, scowling at the ball.</p><p>After a moment, Rey is there with them with a big smile on her face.  She looks at him first, then the droid, then Chewie. “I did it, Chewie,” she breathes, moving away from the entrance of the cave.  Chewie hums at her, pulling her into a hug, almost as if he was scared she wouldn’t make it.</p><p>Then they turn to Ben, and Ben looks at the Wookiee he’s considered to be his uncle.  “Uncle … I’m sorry,” he murmurs, tears brimming his eyes. Chewie steps forward and shakes his head, pulling Ben into a hug.  Silently, Ben cries into his uncle’s fur, and Rey kneels down beside BB, tears coming to her eyes at the sight.</p><p>BB chirps at her enthusiastically.  She looks down at him and whispers, “That’s Ben.  I told you about him.” The droid rolls back and forth and she smiles happily.  “Yes, he’s mine.”</p><p>Chewie and Ben turn back to them, and she and the droid gaze up at them.  “Let’s get some food in him, maybe watch a holovid. Then we’ll decide what’s next,” she declares, and the Wookiee nods obediently at her.</p><p>He goes to walk away, but Ben, in almost perfect Shyriiwook, asks if Chewie dressed Rey.  Both BB and Rey freeze in shock, because neither of them were expecting that whatsoever. Chewie turns back and responds that if she was going to be solo, she would take on the namesake as well.  He glances once more at Rey before turning and walking onto the Falcon.</p><p>BB whirs curiously, and Rey replies, “I didn’t know either, BB.  It’s alright.” Then she stands and points out, “So you speak Shyriiwook.”  Rubbing the back of his neck, Ben nods at her. Licking her lips, she hums, unsure how to process that piece of information.</p><p>“My …  My dad could speak it as well.  Very poorly, but he could,” he explains to her, clearly anxious about talking about his father.  The fact that he can even talk about him at all without calling him Han makes Rey smile.</p><p>Then his eyes roll over her.  “You look … beautiful.” She feels her cheeks warm, so she looks down at her feet and exhales sharply.  “Sorry, Rey, I thought … I must have misread the situation.”</p><p>Lifting her head, she quickly argues, “No, I’ve just never had someone tell me I’m beautiful before.”</p><p>His face grows hopeful as he steps forward and adds, “Well, you are, Rey.”  Her lips quiver, and she shakes her head. “Your smile is so warm and bright,” he tells her, growing more confident with his steps and words.</p><p>She tucks her loose hair behind her ears and whispers, “I am nobody.”  He stands right in front of her and cups her right cheek. Her wide, green eyes scan his face, though she isn’t sure what she’s looking for.</p><p>“No, you’re Rey.  You’re my light. You’re all the good parts of me.”</p><p>“Isn’t it funny that I think the same of you?” she scoffs, shaking her head at him.  “Ben, I … I let go. I’m ready to let old things, to let the Jedi die, to let the Sith die.  The Resistance and the First Order, I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. I’m tired of being used for everyone else’s schemes and plots.  Be with me, and let’s leave it all behind.”</p><p>Nervously, BB beeps and interrupts their moment.  Rey looks down at him and informs the droid, “We’d drop you off.  As much as I enjoy your company, you’re not mine.”</p><p>Before she can get his answer, Chewie calls for them to come onto the Falcon.  Ben stares at her intensely for a moment, and it gets to be too much for her. “C’mon,” she whispers, grabbing his hand and pulling him onto the Falcon.  BB follows them.</p><p>They sit in the lounge and eat.  Chewie recounts old stories, and though Rey can feel his pain, Ben smiles and responds with happiness to all of them.  Rey just stays quiet and listens to them with severe interest. After Ben finishes his food, with the grace that of a prince, he grabs her hand under the table and squeezes it tight.</p><p>Once Chewie finishes his food, he takes Ben into the Captain’s Quarters to get him dressed in some of his old clothes.  Rey stands and goes into the cockpit. She sits in the pilot’s seat and stares out at the greenery in front of the Falcon.  It’s only a moment before Leia is sitting beside her just like that first night a month ago.</p><p>“You did it.”</p><p>“Did you doubt me?”</p><p>Gradually, the two woman face each other.  After all of this, Rey can’t help but repeat Ben’s words to her that seem like so long ago.  “Did Luke tell you what happened?” Leia sighs and lets her face fall. “Did he tell you how he almost killed Ben?  How his students chased after Ben because he was too much of a coward and admit he was wrong? Or how about how he let those kids terrorize Ben when they figured out his heritage, which you hid from him?”  Rey knows that Leia already wishes she had another chance to redo things, but she wants all this to be said.</p><p>“Rey …  He and I are already dead.”</p><p>The tired brunette scoffs and shakes her head.  “You could still apologize and not be a coward. He just wanted to feel like he belonged.”  Then she stands and leaves the ghost in the cockpit. She decides she needs a tiny break, so she tells BB, “Tell them that I’m taking a walk,” and leaves the Falcon.</p><p>Quietly, she walks and tucks her hands into the pockets of her vest.  Admittedly, she’s done with the Jedi, just as she had told Ben. She’s done the lightside, the darkside, the Force, all of it.  She just wants to disappear with Ben and Chewie. The weight of the galaxy needs to not be on her shoulders anymore, not Ben’s either.  The rest of the galaxy will be able to handle it if there are no Force users in control; in fact, they would be better off.</p><p>Finding herself on the cliff she had practiced on with her staff and saber while she was here for Luke, she sits on the rock she had cut in half and stares down in her hands.  She will not let the Force decide for her anymore. She can’t. There is no way that she will let the Force drag her around like the ragdoll she used to keep in her AT-AT on Jakku anymore, especially not for the Jedi.  They took her up and used her to death, forcing Ben to his death when he saved her.</p><p>But what if Ben wants to go back to the Resistance?  What if he wants to go back to his mother’s fight? She supposes she’d follow him, though there is nothing in the Resistance for her anymore.  Not even Finn. Well, Rose would be her one reason to go back. But Finn had felt her die, had left her on Exegol to die. She isn’t sure that she can trust him anymore.</p><p>She hasn’t focused on any of this since Ben died, but she isn’t too sure what to believe anymore.  She’s lost her loyalty to the Force, to the Resistance. The only two people she feels loyal to are Chewie and Ben.</p><p>“Did I hear you threaten my mother?”</p><p>Rey lifts her head and finds Ben standing in front of her, dressed all in black clothes styled very similarly to hers.  He’s got a little smile on his face like he’s amazed by her. Then she processes what he had said. “Oh, no, I may have called her a coward though.”  He comes closer to her, and she sighs. “I don’t mean to be, but I’ve been very angry as of late.”</p><p>“You were right, though.  The Jedi weren’t very good.”  Right, she had accidentally gone into one of his memories and changed it.  “Even Luke’s attempt, it wasn’t very good either.” She looks into his dark eyes, and he continues, “The Jedi were big on shutting your anger and fear out, but that led people like Anakin Skywalker to the darkside.  It’s better to process your fear and anger rather than push it down.” Then his eyes glaze over and he gets this little smile on his face. “My grandmother taught me that one.”</p><p>She smiles too and gently pats the open space on the rock next to her.  He sits down beside her, and her skin is aflame where their shoulders brush.  “You’re right to be angry though, Rey.” She turns her head to face him, and he informs her, “You were dragged around for everyone else’s purpose - the Jedi and the Sith, the Resistance and the First Order.  And now that you’re finally free of all of it, you had to come get me.”</p><p>With her eyebrows knit together, she argues, “Well …  This is actually the first thing that I’ve done that was for me, not for anyone else.”  His eyes widen at that, and she shrugs. “Poe and Finn wanted me to go bury Luke and Leia’s lightsabers on Tatooine, but something didn’t feel right when I got close.  And then I had a nightmare that made me realize … I can take whatever what I want.” He inhales sharply at that, but she just adds, “So Chewie met me here, and I spent a month down in that cave before I found an opening.”</p><p>“I was what you wanted?”</p><p>She smiles at him and reaches up to caress her cheek.  “When I first started my whole … journey into the Force, a friend of your father’s told me that my belonging was not behind me, but ahead of me.  At first, I thought she meant Han and Luke … Now I know, it was you.” He doesn’t reply to that, clearly in shock of her statement. She doesn’t understand why he’s looking at her like that.</p><p>“Ben …  I thought I got that across when I kissed you after you brought me back to life.”</p><p>“I thought you were thanking me.”</p><p>“Because that’s normal,” she scoffs while he continues to stare at her in awe.</p><p>“You’re just like your father.”  They both turn and see Leia standing there with a soft smile on her face.  “He wasn’t very bright either.”</p><p>“Mom,” Ben gasps, standing as well.  Rey looks back and forth between the mother and son.  Stars, Ben was so tall. He must have gotten that from Han because he surely didn’t get it from Leia.</p><p>Leia looks up at her son with an expression of love and adoration and remorse.  “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you, angel. I should’ve done more. I should’ve …”</p><p>“Mom,” he breathes again, coming to stand directly in front of her.  Rey’s heart hurts as Leia reaches up and cups his face. “I’m so sorry.  I didn’t … I was too late.”</p><p>The Force ghost shakes her head.  “It doesn’t matter. You’re back, that’s all that matters.”  He bends down and pulls her into a tight hug, and Rey smiles happily.  She stands while the mother and son hold each other.  “I love you, Ben.”</p><p>“I love you, Mom.”</p><p>They pull away and tearfully smile at each other for another moment.  Then they turn to Rey, and the sight is surreal.  She had never thought there would be a day when they would stand together again.  She’s glad that she gets to experience it.</p><p>“I should’ve known …  You two clearly belong together.”</p><p>“You should’ve known when Dad fell in love with you that your son would fall in love with a girl who knew how to put him in his place,” Ben mutters with almost as much sass as R2.  Rey’s eyebrows shoot up while he smiles down at his mother and she reaches up to pinch his ear.  “Ow.”</p><p>“I’m not afraid of you, Benjamin.  I’m still your mother.”  Rey’s heart warms dangerously so, and she has to turn and blink the tears away.  “Oh, Ben, you better take good care of her.”  She quickly turns back and finds their eyes on her again.</p><p>“I think she’ll be the one taking care of me, Mom.”  Leia gives them one last smile, and then she’s gone.</p><p>Ben and Rey look at each other, and he takes a few steps toward her.  “You fell in love with the girl that cut your face open,” she points out, and he stops moving.</p><p>With an indignant expression on his face, he exclaims, “Alright.”  Though it’s scary how similar he sounded to Han, she bursts into laughter and closes the space between them, pulling him into a passionate kiss.  He instantly wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her even closer.</p><p>Everything is finally right.  She did it.  She got him back.  Finally, she knows who she is.</p><p>Pulling away, he starts, “If you want to leave this all behind …”  She opens her eyes and finds him already looking at her.  “ … I will follow you wherever.”  Tears brim her eyes once more, and she leans her forehead against his.  </p><p>Taking both lightsabers off of her belt, she shows them to him.  “I don’t know if you want either of these, but they’re both yours,” she whispers.  He stares down at them for a second before reaching for his mother’s.</p><p>“They’re ours, Rey …  I know you don’t like Palpatine, and I’m not too big of a fan of Skywalker.”  She furrows her eyebrows and pulls her head away to look into his eyes.  “How do you feel about Ben and Rey Solo?”  She sucks in a big breath at the sound of him giving her his last name.</p><p>Before she can accept, BB rolls in between them and pushes them apart.  “Ow, BB,” she scolds, her big toe now aching.  Ben glares down at the droid, but keeps his mouth shut.  Then Chewie growls about how he likes the sound of their names.  They turn to him, and Rey smiles at the Wookiee.</p><p>“How does Naboo sound for a homebase, Uncle?” Ben asks, taking her hand and pulling her toward Chewie.  BB rolls in front of them as they begin to walk back to the Falcon.  Chewie and Ben start going back and forth about their plans, just like Han and Chewie did.</p><p>Slowly, Rey lets Ben’s hand leave hers, and she trails behind them a little bit.</p><p>This …  This was her family.</p>
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